A very old woman realizes that she’s seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
There once was a boy named “Odd.”
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, “That’s odd.”
I’m not crazy I’m special .. wait maybe I am crazy.. Give a second to talk to myself about this while I shower…
“Two condoms were walking down the street. They passed a gay bar and one looks at the other and says ‘hey want to go inside and get shit faced?’”
“Why can’t miss piggy count to seventy? Because every time she gets to 69 she get a little frog in her throat.”
1st Daughter:”Dad, I am a lesbian”
Dad; “Oh okay!”
2nd Daughter: “I’m a lesbian too…”
Dad: “Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?”
Son: “I do.”
Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”